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New Relationships

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What is it about new relationships that send us spinning? We forget our schedules, we forget to eat, hell I have forgotten my own name. Is it love or lust, and who cares? It feels so damn good. The beginning of any relationship is special and unique. It can never be relived.  The moments must be cherished and remembered, but most of all, completely enjoyed. Live in these moments, knowing that no matter how this relationship transpires…you were fully present at the beginning, when anything seemed possible.

1. The friendship… You met someone and you just clicked. From the moment you laid eyes on each other you knew there was something different about this person. Their smile was brighter, their eyes looked at you differently, you got along as if you had known each other 20 years instead of 20 minutes. You laughed, you joked, you flirted…and flirted…and shamelessly flirted!!…people around you asked questions and you brushed them off saying you just “got each other”, and you had since you first met, you were such good friends and “no there was nothing going on between you”. Secretly you thought about this person every second you were not with them. You wondered what it would be like to hang out with them, or hug them, maybe brush lips, possibly spend eternity with them.  You may have found yourself having the weirdest fantasies about them, sexual or otherwise. You had no insecurities with this new friend, and there was no judgement, so you could tell each other all the things you shared with your closest friend. You knew you wanted to be more than friends, but like hell you were going to be the one to look crazy and ruin this amazing “friendship”.

2. The game changer…  After a couple weeks of the best friendship of your life laced with some awkward sexual tension, he blatantly asked you if you were interested in him.  He flat out told you he was interested in taking things further with you. Shit. Everything was going so well with the pretend friendship and no real commitment, but desperately wanting him all to yourself, yet constantly wondering what he thought of you. Stop being coy…it’s not only annoying it could really fuck up your chances with this great guy. You have met a million guys and they are usually blatantly obvious about what they want, and it usually doesn’t involve getting to know you on the level this guy has stepped up to. He took the time to get to know the real you. He knows your deepest secrets, your likes and dislikes, your crazy moods and he has decided to stick around and take a chance on you. The least you can do is take a chance on him. Plus you genuinely like him and are secretly fantasizing about him. Tell him you are interested in him too. Just agree if nothing else.

3. The date…  So you made plans to go out and do something completely out of context of whatever it was you had been doing that led to this moment in time. You were nervous, and scared and worried…a basic train wreck. However, you were also shaved and manicured and your hair and make-up were perfect, and for God’s sake, I know your outfit was to die for, because you changed enough times to be wearing the one that perfectly accentuated all the right curves in all the right places. You looked sexy, but not slutty….and you were probably wearing at least one animal print, because he mentioned he liked that and it looked great with black and your hair color….and that’s ok…He picked you up, you fell right into that comfortable relationship space you had grown so accustomed to being in with him, and the night felt like you belonged…You were thinking you belonged with this guy, at whatever place, in that outfit, at that moment in time and, yes ladies (I know it crossed your mind),  possibly forever. , This was the time to have fun, be sexy, be smart, be cute, be funny and be his wildest dream. Be all the things you are and all the things he was always saying he liked about you. Just don’t have sex with him…yet.

4. The follow-up… You made it through the first date, and a couple more, and now the two of you are talking and texting and seeing each other like you are an item. Believe in him and all the amazing things he has planned for you…yes, YOU! Do not let the baggage from another relationship find it’s way into this new relationship’s vacation. You are in the honeymoon stage of the relationship and you both deserve to enjoy every second of it. This guy has done nothing wrong and everything right, and wow…do you remember the way he looks at you? He looks at you like you are not only the only woman in the room, but the only woman on the planet. You let each other into one another’s hearts with the deep connection of friendship first, which is a very stable and lasting foundation. You should build on this and trust where it leads.

Not all relationships are the same. What is the same, is the feelings from which we benefit when the relationship is emotionally, psychologically and physically positive in nature. Caring for another is a gift that can help us feel happy, united, confident, purposeful, sexy, and generous.  Allowing another to take care of us can give us the freedom to feel safe, trustworthy, beautiful inside and out, and basically just amazing! Take the plunge, head first, with no regrets. It’s a win-win! You will either learn something valuable about yourself in the process or you will end up with an unbelievably incredible partner with which to enjoy every day of your journey in life together.

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Life: Expectations

I'm gonna make the rest of my life the best of my life
I think the general public likes to think of life in metaphors and similes to make it easier to get through the everyday trials and tribulations. I mean…..label it. I think this is bullshit. Man up and face life head on as it is, whatever happens, and however great or shitty it may be. Stop labeling and let’s see more action.

Life is not like a box of chocolates….you know exactly what you are getting in a Whitman’s Sampler. It comes with a guide. And the cheaper boxes with no guide…well, you can bite into those and put them back in the box if you don’t like what you picked. Hell, I can’t tell you how many times I re-gifted a box of damn chocolates just so I didn’t have to deal with the crappy mess of who knows what inside…

You cannot make lemonade out of lemons. Fuck this theory. You need water…and sugar…and preservatives…and CountryTime. Life has handed me lemons, and I even tried to make a martini. It didn’t really work out, thank you very much, James Bond. You can make something from nothing…but you have to be able to obtain that something. If you don’t have the means, or help, or the whatever, you. are. fucked. No lemonade for you.

Life is not like the game we played as a child. The game of Life was so easy. You started with money in the bank, chose an education and occupation…if only it were that easy. A spouse and children were placed in your vehicle/life without dating or marriage trials, labor pains, or any other possible “fuck you” from the universe. Then you retired in a mansion with a shit ton of money in the bank. Sounds like a dream. A dream I never saw come to fruition in real life…

Life in general, as I have experienced, is difficult, if not downright fucking challenging. There are no fairy Godmothers with wands, clicks of the heels, or ovens that cook at even temperatures. I think we all have a “washing machine sock eater”, and children with minds of their own (that we will be thankful for later).

Life is a blessing and a curse, but every day it is a journey. The journey is different for each of us, and this is where our joy should lie…in our unique journey.  Because the journey is what is taking each of us to our unique destination. Not chocolate boxes, lemonade, games, fairy tales…though they help. 😉

Live every day with love and joy in your heart and mind, as best you can. We are not perfect, but we can do our best. Life is as real as it gets…but, don’t get caught up in metaphors and similes, etc. Your life happens to be in the now, and it is yours. The label should be reflective and important. as you yourself are. Live life, don’t label it.

Bullshit

woman at shoe store

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I recently ordered a shoe tower with 10 tiers holding up to 50 pairs of shoes. I was extremely proud of this order and had cleaned out my closet to make room for it. I was so excited to say the least, as my room is a pigsty with all my shoes and clothes and stuff that will go back into the closet once the beautiful  tower is built and placed . And my thing is shoes. I have a shoe thing. So I definitely own over 50 pairs.  Well….it finally came in the mail!

I set up camp in the living room, opened the box, and the directions were the first thing to slide out. I set those aside. I pulled out the rest of the goodies, which were 20 plastic thingies and two plastic base feeties and a shit ton of plastic poles. The first note to myself was, “Wow! These are pretty shitty materials”.  I assumed they looked better put together and soldiered on.

I was able to manage the plastic feeties onto their respective thingies. However, as hard as I tried I could not get the poles to stay in their places and get anything else productive done at this point. Shamefully, I looked both ways to make sure no one was watching and I grabbed the directions. I actually laughed out loud when I read the directions. There were three pictures….and that’s it folks. The first picture was the completed shoe tower. The second picture was how to connect the feeties….yes, yes, we are past that part. The third picture is how to connect the poles….to the thingies. I swear I tried this every fucking way possible and it was not working…and now the directions were shit, because it didn’t tell me a damn thing about how to master the SHOE TOWER….

I think I tried more of the same for 30 minutes then launched all the poles out of the window into the courtyard….fuck it.

No..I put everything back in the box and laid it against the wall in defeat. Now I am waiting for a sexy handyman to show up at my door like they do in the movies. He will whip that shoe tower up in no time, get sweaty in a sexy way and we will….oh you know the rest!

But seriously…that shoe tower is bullshit..

 

 

Juvenile Detention

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Reality check. The Tornado went through the Denton County Juvenile Impact Program today. I think it did some good. As a mother, it hurt my heart…

A Deputy met us as we walked in. He immediately told the Tornado to put his hands behind his back and enter a room. Now, this is not the standard program, as the Tornado borderlines on special needs and anger type mental illness. The fine line of the combined illnesses is what makes him different then the two separate. This is difficult. The Deputy is fully versed on the Tornado, his history, his medical issues, and current legal situations at school. The Deputy nails this shit…

The Tornado is not bullied, but he knows the Deputy is in charge from word one. He sits in the front of a room as I sit way in back. The Tornado must continually assume the position of “norms”, an uncomfortable position of hands behind the back, head down, feet with heels together. It’s called “norms”, because after hours in this position inmates normally complain of back and neck pain. I am already feeling my son’s pain.

After some intimidation, a power point is presented. A live view of the prison is deemed too dangerous. The slide show is extremely gratuitous in its portrayal of the prison, the food, prisoners in fights, self mutilation, showers, bathrooms, death, you name it….I am in shock, and I am feeling for the Tornado. I hope the severity is sinking in. The Deputy continues the intimidation. I find myself in tears. The Tornado never turns around. He is in fear of this man. I am not sure what to feel.

Finally, when the pictures become too graphic, the Tornado breaks down and begins to cry. As the Deputy yells at him to “Dry it up” , I cry too. The Tornado has no idea. He dries it up and forges ahead, stronger than I. Finally we come to closure. I am tense, I am afraid, I am sad. The Deputy sends the Tornado, as an order, to go to the back of the room and give his mother a hug, as I brought him here only out of love and because I care about his future…well, my little Tornado falls into me, hugging me like a lifeline and crying harder than when he entered this world 11 years ago. I held him…. I held him.

The drive home wasn’t monumental, but the experience was. We both knew what happened in there and the effect it had on him. The Tornado is already complaining that his back and neck are hurting…..Good!

The Tornado will still spin around this world and cause chaos and damage, but I hope this experience will at least keep him from seeking legal trouble. A mother can hope.

If this Deputy keeps one child, my child, out of jail, I know he has more than earned the job he worked so hard to get. Now it is up to the Tornado to follow up with his end of this bargain.

A mother can hope…

The Rebound Guy

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I recently found myself in a most unusual situation. I thought I was dating someone…we had fun, we got along amazingly well, and the sex was mind blowing. I just realized he is The Rebound Guy….

I unknowingly broke some of the rules that are traditionally acknowledged in this type of situation, so I am selflessly sharing some of what I learned. Have a blast!

*Be Honest – Let him know you just got out of a serious relationship so he knows you are only seeking something temporary. This should be a no-hassle, no risk, no strings attached situation for both parties. Decide upfront if you want strictly a sexual relationship, or just someone to hang out with on the weekends…and tell him. Rebound Guys are distractions, they are not meant for long term relationships. I have read often “the best way to get over a man is to get another one”.  😉

*Be Prepared – The Rebound Guy does not have the responsibilities of a boyfriend. So don’t expect him to. He does not have to know your birthday, your favorite color, or (exhale) meet your family. So check your emotional baggage of expectations at the relationship door and lighten up. Be yourself! Laugh!!!…a lot!!!

*Let The Rebound Guy Spoil You – Please! Let him treat you like the Queen you are! Let him open all the doors, pull out all the chairs, place his hand on the small of your back as you glide through a doorway. Let him call you Baby, and Sweetie, and Darling! Let him hang on your every word and gaze at you like you are the rarest, most beautiful creature on this Earth. You deserve it.

*Experiment – If your Rebound Guy is non- sexual try new things you were afraid to try before. Tandem bungee jump, brave the elements white water rafting, or go surfing. If it is sexual, remember…you are with a hot guy who knows nothing of bedroom insecurities and thinks of you as a VS model. He worships every part of your body and wants to show you…very…slowly. Let him! Trust him and try new things. Do all the things your ex refused to do, or you were afraid to try. And enjoy every single amazing second of it!!

*The Rules – DO NOT GET ATTACHED!!!  The Rebound Guy is acutely aware of his status in this setup. He is not confused, so you should not be either. Do not buy The Rebound Guy gifts…ever! Always practice safe sex…ALWAYS! You never know where else he might be rebounding. Do not let him overstay his welcome. It will come to an end and someone will have to call it. Most important, be yourself, relax, and have fun! Reestablish yourself as a strong, sexy woman in charge of her emotions and her life.

Breakups don’t have to be the end of the world, losing ourselves to ridiculous rom- coms and gallons of ice cream. There are much better stepping stones for our self esteem, and one just happens to be The Rebound Guy…the lucky bastard!  xo

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Why I Let You Go

Letting-Go

We were together intimately for years. We have known each other thirty  I will remember the friendship, the love, the hardships, the laughter, your smile…I will remember the loneliness, the emptiness, the pain, the anger…I tried to force our bond to stay together, yet finally realized the only way we were both going to survive is if I let you go.

I let you go because you would not work while I struggled with two jobs. You refused to help around the house because it wasn’t your stuff laying around, you were a “clean person”. I became sad and angry coming home to clean after working all day, while you continued to lay in bed and watch TV or play on your phone.
I tried to help you find employment. You would yell and stomp around and tell me to “get off your back”. I began to resent you.

I let you go because you stopped paying attention to my son, who called you “dad”. You started referring to him privately in words I refuse to repeat. You discounted his special needs and began ignoring him. You made unfair rules that only applied to him….then broke them in front of him using the excuse that you were the adult, when you were acting more like a child. You broke promises to him. You lied to him. You gave up on him.

I let you go because I became lonely. I grew tired of sitting next to you at night while you played on your phone instead of even talking to me. You began staying up all night drinking and playing Xbox and passing out in the den. Then you would sleep most of the day while I worked. You stopped any form of physical affection months ago and began to try and make me feel bad about myself. The drinking made you a different person. You stopped eating meals with us and stopped attending doctor’s appointments. You couldn’t be bothered to wake up in the mornings.

I let you go because for the last couple of years I paid all your bills, let you borrow my car, bought your groceries, gave you emotional support, and forgave you. In return I received false promises, feeble thanks, a confused child and an ulcer. I finally gave you a timeline to get your life started and help out with our family. If not, you had to leave, no questions asked. You made your choice, nothing was accomplished and you are gone. You still haven’t told your friends or family, as I assume you think I will break or bend. I will not.

After four years I made a lot of sacrifices for you. I am ashamed as I write this…embarrassed of what I allowed to occur. I had to let you go because I love my son and myself too much to continue the life we weren’t living with you here. I love you also and wish you the best. You are so angry at me for asking you to leave and so ungrateful for all I have done. You tell me I am a hateful person with a spiteful heart.

Which brings me to the most important reason. I had to let you go because I finally realized you don’t really know me after all.

Flying the Friendly Skies

I have anxiety. I am anxiety ridden one might say. I despise flying, confined spaces, small groups of close range people. I take medication for my anxiety. Yet sometimes, something in me tells that anxiety to take a hike and my inner Badass comes out large and in charge.

So it was kind of a surprise to my family, and kind of a surprise to me when I decided to go skydiving. I was cool. Slept well the night before, chilled on the ride up there, shook hands and made friends…….and then I saw what was taking me 13,000 feet into the air. I mean seriously? How many decks of cards did it take ya’ll to build this? And where is the real plane? I started having Mild to Intermediate anxiety.

The place was family run so the guy I was going with seemed overly cheerful and solid. Cool. His dad was there and had not a care in the world…are you sure you want your son doing this, Dad? I mean really? The girlfriend and their child were there and the girlfriend could not make it any more clear that ZoeBear had been up in that flimsy plyboard “plane” sooooo manyyyyy timesssss. Anxiety at full on Intermediate now.

Very playful and chill, I asked if they have ever had anyone die doing this. They said….not in this plane, but at another location. So why I let them lead me like a sheep to the wolf’s den of paperwork I will never know. Except shock…most definitely I was in shock.

I chose to commemorate the occasion of my untimely death or amazing adventure. I got lead to an area to get strapped up and next thing I know I am being videoed walking towards the plane. I barely remember this because my anxiety is at Full Throttle.

My dad was in the Air Force and owned a prop plane that he took the sister and me in ONE time. Within 5-10 minutes we were throwing up all over his beloved plane and he couldn’t land quick enough to get us out. I was hoping this wasn’t going to be a repeat.

So…..off we go and there we are. It was the most beautiful view of the area and I suddenly felt very peaceful. I had no idea I would feel this way. Anxiety What??? We climbed higher and connected our harnesses, getting ready for the big leap. Upon opening the plane door, it was freaking freezing, whereas it was a balmy 100 degrees on the ground. And we jumped.

Everything was a blur until he pulled the ripcord and then I just enjoyed feeling weightless with no cares in the world. In the video I smiled the whole way down…no screaming and no cursing. In fact, at one point I actually say, “Holy Moly”. I was def in another place! When my feet touched the ground I felt shaky and relieved, in disbelief at what I had just done…at the adventure I had taken part in.  It was one of the best experiences I have had in my life, truly.

And I recommend it to everyone.

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